Personal Property: Too Much Stuff!
Many clients refuse or neglect to downsize or organize their personal property while they can. It is easier to delay, thinking that there will be time in the future to declutter. This can cause problems for the children after mom and dad are gone. I will relate one family case to illustrate.
Dad died unexpectedly. He had been caregiver for his wife with dementia. Mom could no longer live in the home without his help. The couple’s three sons had to make arrangements for her to get care in a an assisted living facility with memory care in a different state, closer to where the sons lived. Mom and Dad had lived in their home over 40 years, so there was a large amount of stuff in the house.
Mom’s dementia made it impossible for her to participate in the decluttering process before her house could be sold. The sons planned to do this over a single weekend. All three sons worked full time jobs up north, and they just had one weekend to complete this task.
What they found was mostly junk, interspersed with some sentimental items. All three sons had times of emotion dealing with memories of long ago, coupled with the sadness of the knowledge that Dad was now gone and Mom was mentally gone. Plus they were faced with a house stuffed with personal property and had to decide what was important and what was not.
In addition to the everyday plates, they found two complete sets of china and one set of real silver ware. Could they sell those items? Did one or more of the sons want a set? Who picks first? The den had full bookcases, as well as Dad’s desk. In there they found bills, statements, magazines, etc. Were any of the books worth keeping or selling? The statements would be helpful in helping Mom with paying her bills. First they would have to figure out which accounts were still active.
The brothers spent a whole day going through each room, sorting items into piles to keep, sell, donate, and pitch. At first, things went smoothly, but as they were confronted with decisions about who gets what from the “keep” piles, the disagreements started. Adult children can argue about who gets what, especially when there was no indication of Mom and Dad’s preferences.
The brothers talked about moving the stuff in storage until they could sort it out later. But that would involve the cost of getting a storage unit and the work of moving the stuff in the Florida heat. Was any of it really worth the effort and expense? Plus then one or more of them would have to make another trip to Naples to clear out the unit when they figured out “who got what”. And all three were dealing with their grief and loss, which made everything more painful. Also, old dynamics resurfaced such as jealousy over who was favored growing up.
Most of the second day was spent arguing about what to do next. Finally, they decided to hire an estate sale agent to deal with the items they wanted to sell and donate. They would have to come back a different time to finalize who got what, and then have professionals clean the house.
The process of dividing up the goods fractured the brother’s relationship. They rarely talk with one another now, unless they have to coordinate about Mom’s care. One of the sets of china sold, and the silver was sold to be melted down. They got just under $500 to add to mom’s account to pay for her new memory care facility. The other set of china went unsold and was eventually donated to a local charity.
Bear in mind the stress on your children if you just keep accumulating stuff. Consider leaving a list (personal property memorandum) of who should get what. Other families leave directions that each child should get to pick one item at a time, taking turns until all desired items are dealt with. Another tactic is to direct that all items get donated to a designated charity. Any way that you can give direction will reduce the friction among your loved ones.
As part of our estate planning process, we will discuss with our clients who are making a will or signing a trust what provisions they wish for their personal effects. Usually they say some variant of “ I won’t care at that point” until I relate a story such as this about the unintended effects of failing to plan. If you need to consider your estate plan, please call us at 239-434-8557 to make an appointment.