Now that November is here, we are right in the thick of the Holidays again! Ready or not, we are at the time of year filled with family, friends, love and laughter. Everyone looks forward to the holiday season, right? Well, that might not be true in some cases. Some families are dealing with illness, and families may be far away. Or maybe you’ve lost a loved one and are facing your first holiday season without them.
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If you are a caregiver, you know there are no holidays from caregiving. Whether it’s a chronic illness, dementia, or both, needs are the same on a holiday as they are on any other day, so care must continue. If the one you are caring for has dementia, holiday stress may affect you. The decorations are lovely, but they can be disorienting or confusing to someone with cognitive issues.
Caring for a loved one at home is a full-time, 24/7 job. Even if you have help, the primary caregiver is always on call and holidays are no exception. Often, the rest of the family turns a blind eye to the caregiver’s needs. That may not be their intention, but it is often the result. It’s like how a child thinks about their parents-they don’t think about all the work the parents do; they just know everything gets done. It’s the same mindset lots of people have about their family caregivers. So, just like your parents did, every now and then, a caregiver must demand help.
If you are a caregiver, let your family members know what they can do to help make the holidays smoother. Assign small tasks to free up some personal time. Be specific, as some family members may be willing but unsure where their help is needed. Maybe one could help prepare Christmas cards, wrap presents, or decorate the tree. Maybe it’s looking through pictures or just sitting and discussing past holidays with your loved one. And, if you are a family member, don’t wait for the caregiver to ask for help-step up and offer; you’ll be surprised by how much it means to your caregiver.
Remember, chronic illness and dementia are progressive, so things change frequently. What worked last year may not work this year. Here are a few tips that may help with holiday stress:
- Planning is essential to success. The earlier your start, the better off you’ll be
- Keep your loved one as involved as possible. Maybe they can help with decorating, baking cookies, or even deciding on holiday plans
- Always have an exit strategy! You don’t want to be out somewhere when your loved one with dementia has come apart with no way to get them back to their comfort zone. So, if you are not going to be at home, know in advance where your quiet space will be. It is also a good idea to be sure other guests are aware of your loved one’s needs and limitations.
Be sure guests know your loved one may not remember their name or may not always answer appropriately. Be sure to encourage guests to talk with your loved one-it may not be quite the same but that’s okay-the point is keeping your loved one involved in the festivities. It is also a good idea to have a backup person, too, in case your loved one gets tired of you!
If your loved one is in a facility, take the time to acknowledge the staff for the care they give your loved one. Take them a treat. It’s the holidays, so everyone brings cookies and popcorn. If that doesn’t suit you, maybe you could send pizza or some barbecue, or just give thank you cards to the staff. Remember, the staff at the facility is with your loved one on the holidays, not their own, and that deserves a heartfelt “thank you.”
If you’ve lost a loved one, the holidays may be filled with potholes. It is hard to celebrate a holiday when you are grieving, especially that first holiday without your loved one as part of the festivities. Sometimes, the grief comes out as anger. That is a normal reaction, but many of us try to deny our anger and even our grief. We’re a “toughen up” kind of society. You are given all kinds of room to grieve a week or so after the death of a loved one but go much longer than that and people start to wonder when you are going to snap out of it. The holiday can put a spotlight on grief, hitting all the memories of past holidays.
Remember self-care is important. Take time to take care of yourself. Keep as much as possible to your routines for mealtimes, bedtime and bathing schedules. If possible, work in an appointment for a massage or pedicure. You can also practice yoga or breathing exercises at home. Or pick up an old hobby you might have shelved while you were going through the process of losing your loved one. Southwest Florida has many support groups for others who are also dealing with loss. A good place to start is with a local hospice in your area.
Don’t let holiday stress or sadness rule the day. Take time to look around during the holidays, see the people, see the things in your world and give thanks for each one.
Happy Holidays from Burzynski Elder Law!