Making the decision to move an older person from their home to a place where they can live safely is a difficult choice for everyone involved. A move to an assisted living facility is one option.
Assisted living facilities provide care for people who need services such as medication reminders, meals, transportation, and some assistance with activities of daily living, including bathing and dressing.
Why Do Older Adults Resist Assisted Living?
Why might a person resist moving to a place where they can receive help with daily activities? Fear is a common reason.
Home has deep symbolic meaning for most people. It represents safety, security, familiarity, independence, and identity. People may work hard throughout their lives to create and maintain a home, so the thought of leaving it can feel like a major personal loss.
Concerns About the Cost of Assisted Living
Concerns about money may also play a role. Many people believe Medicare will pay for long-term care in an assisted living facility and are shocked to learn that it generally does not.
Medicaid assistance for assisted living is limited. Not every assisted living facility accepts the Medicaid waiver program, and there may be a long waiting list before an individual receives Medicaid benefits for assisted living-level care.
Families should learn how a facility expects care to be paid for, what services are included in the monthly rate, and whether the resident may qualify for any public benefits or other financial assistance.
The Legal Risks of Waiting Too Long
No matter why a person is resisting a move, waiting too long can have serious consequences. Although waiting does not usually create a legal problem by itself, a person who resists moving may also put off creating essential estate planning documents.
Important documents may include a will, durable power of attorney, and advance directive for healthcare. Procrastination can create significant legal headaches for family caregivers.
A durable power of attorney and advance directive for healthcare allow a person to name trusted individuals to make financial and medical decisions if that person later becomes incapacitated.
Someone who delays creating these documents and later loses capacity may no longer be able to grant that authority. At that point, family members may be forced to petition the court for guardianship.
Guardianship proceedings can be difficult, costly, public, and a source of significant family conflict. Proactive estate planning may help families avoid unnecessary court involvement.
Preserving Control Through Advance Planning
The irony is that saying no is one way many older adults preserve a sense of control. However, saying no to creating estate planning documents can ultimately reduce that control.
An older adult who waits until capacity is lost may give up the ability to choose who will make financial and healthcare decisions. They may also lose the ability to influence where they live and how their care is managed.
Planning while capacity remains intact gives the older adult a stronger voice in future decisions and may provide greater clarity for family caregivers.
Care-Related Consequences of Waiting
Saying no to assisted living repeatedly can also have care-related consequences. An older person who is struggling with activities of daily living today is unlikely to find those tasks easier tomorrow, next month, or next year.
Waiting too long may allow the older adult’s needs to increase until assisted living is no longer an appropriate option. From a mobility or cognitive standpoint, the person may eventually fail to meet a facility’s admission criteria.
For some individuals, waiting too long effectively means that the next available level of care is a nursing home rather than assisted living.
The Social Effects of Living Alone
There may also be social consequences. An older adult living alone may have limited opportunities to interact with others.
This can make the person more vulnerable to isolation, loneliness, and depression, all of which may contribute to physical and mental decline.
Assisted living can offer opportunities for meals, activities, conversation, social engagement, and a greater sense of community.
The Impact on Family Caregivers
In many cases, spouses, sons, daughters, and grandchildren are picking up the slack and turning themselves inside out to allow their loved one to remain “independent” at home.
That independence may be an illusion, however. Family caregivers may be providing transportation, medication management, meals, housekeeping, personal care, financial oversight, and emergency assistance.
Eventually, even the most patient and well-meaning caregivers may buckle under the pressure. These situations are often a source of stress, resentment, and conflict within families.
Steps to Take When a Loved One Resists Assisted Living
Do Your Homework
Begin by compiling a list of assisted living facilities in your loved one’s area. Learn as much as possible about each facility, including its services, pricing, care levels, reputation, and admission requirements.
Identify two or three options that appear promising. The elder care coordinator at Burzynski Elder Law is familiar with assisted living communities in Southwest Florida and can help families explore possible options.
Tour Assisted Living Facilities
If your loved one is willing, arrange tours of the most promising facilities. Seeing the setting in person may help reduce fear and correct assumptions about what assisted living is like.
Encourage your loved one to ask questions about meals, activities, privacy, transportation, visitors, healthcare support, and daily routines.
Use Short-Term Respite Care as a Trial
Many assisted living facilities offer short-term respite stays lasting from several days to several weeks.
A respite stay can allow an older adult to experience life in the facility without initially committing to a permanent move. In some cases, people who initially resisted assisted living become more comfortable with the idea after a short stay.
When Your Loved One Still Says No
Your loved one may continue to say no even after you have researched facilities, taken tours, and discussed the benefits.
If your loved one is of sound mind and has legal capacity, you generally cannot force the issue. However, your family may benefit from guidance from professionals who work with these situations every day.
Elder Care Coordinator Sue Hendricks urges clients to seize the opportunity to experience the quality of life that assisted living can offer.
Planning for the Best Possible Outcome
At Burzynski Elder Law, we specialize in helping older adults and family caregivers navigate the challenges of aging. Through life care planning, estate planning, care advocacy, and long-term care guidance, families can create a clearer path forward.
The goal is not simply to select a facility. It is to protect the older adult’s dignity, preserve as much independence as possible, reduce family conflict, and prepare for changing care needs.
Talk With Burzynski Elder Law
If your loved one is resisting assisted living or your family needs help planning for future care, Burzynski Elder Law is here to help.
Call us today at 239-434-8557 to begin your road to better planning.